The struggle to forgive

i laughed when i read that few days ago. 

My ex puts his BFF on top of every other things in the world.

While my (once thought, still is for me) good friend treasure her relationship more that what we've shared together.

Having being in both completely contradictory situation based on the quote, i think Annas Easkey is wrong. What's important is balance. 

At the moment, im trying hard untuk mendidik hati supaya memaafkan kesalahan orang lain for i myself has sinned. And to learn to be in other people's shoe. But it's not easy you know. It's an everyday struggle untuk sentiasa bersangka baik dan untuk melepaskan dan memaafkan perkara yang telah berlalu. 

And even when we have sincerely forgive, rasa terkilan itu tetap ada. Terkilan bagaimana orang lain boleh hidup bahagia di atas kesusahan dan kesedihan dan kekecewaan orang lain. Terutama bila orang itu pernah suatu ketika sangat dekat dengan kita. Ok maybe not that sincere yet sebab masih terkilan.

But, i tried to put myself in her shoe. She might wonder why can't i sacrifice and just be happy for her instead of trying to tear away her happiness with the man of her choice just because that man has wronged me in the past. 

Maybe i was being selfish. Yeah, i am. And that too is what i am trying to improve. I too have sinned. 

Semoga kita semua bahagia dan gembira dengan pilihan dan keputusan masing-masing. Cuma ingat, life is a spinning wheel. What we do to others, we get back. And kalau tidak terpalit semula pada kita, mungkin akan terbalas pada anak cucu. Myself not excluded.

Bila syaitan dah mula nak mencucuk jarum dendam kesumat dalam hati, i make sure i get back to this saying i got from a friend's blog:

"Forgiving someone will give you inner peace that you can't find anywhere else. We want God to forgive our sins. Why can't we forgive another human's mistake to us?"

Biarlah besar mana pun kesalahan orang lain, kalau kita mampu maafkan seikhlas hati maka lebih besar ganjarannya di sisi Allah. Satu hari nanti mungkin kita juga akan buat silap besar dalam hidup dan kita juga berharap kemaafan dari orang lain. InsyaAllah, semoga Allah kuatkan kita semua.

p/s: Pardon me for this emo post. Blame the on-going studying for exam that makes my mood go jumbling around. Oh, semalam pun ter-pitam sekejap masa training fencing. Also i blame studying for using so much of my body glucose. LOL