Socially Inept

My family used to have a maid until I was 8 years old. Then she ran away with her boyfriend. After that, my mom was sick of hiring one maid after another. So we had to help out a lot. After school, when there is no extracurricular activities in the afternoon, I will stay at home with my younger siblings. Both my older brothers were living in dorms, so I'm the eldest at home. When my mom came home after work, I am expected to have done the dishes, done the laundry and cleaned the house. If we have any occasion at my grandparents' place, my brother will always be watching me. If I don't help out, he'll do that scary exophthalmic stare until I make my way to the kitchen.

Now I look at my younger primary school (even secondary school) cousins, my God.. life is so easy for them. No one will cubit them until lebam if they don't help out. No one's gonna shout at them if they just watch TV or play with gadgets while the older-almost-disabled aunties, grandmas are busy in the kitchen.

My point is, due to the 'military training', I'm not used to people being nice to me. I don't do hugs. I can't appreciate loving gestures. Well I do, but I will always somehow react the opposite. 

Just few days ago, I received a random bouquet of flowers from someone. I was confused, why the flowers all of a sudden? On what occasion? I actually said sth like this, 'Why are you giving me flowers?!! There is nothing to celebrate! Don't waste money! Next time, if there is no special occasion, there is no need to buy me flowers!'. I feel bad after that though. 

And today, a friend called, asking me to join a hiking trip. I looked at my phone screen many times and asked her back, "Are you sure you are calling the right person??". I asked her many times till she gets annoyed LOL. I don't go out much, and friends don't normally call me to ask me out. 

I love being at home so much and keep myself busy with house chores to a point my cousin made a statement which I kinda agree; 'If your house is a human being, you would have probably been married to your house by now.' 

Another one gave me an advice that I might give a try; 'Just give people the chance to treat you the way a friend should be treated, the way a woman should be treated. Let them give you the love you've been deprived from all these while.'

What a stone I have become.